like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
