dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
