I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
