i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize