I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize