Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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