Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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