Your face is a jimmy john
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think my moral compass just broke
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize