I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
