I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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