Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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