I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
