You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
