I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
