Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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