Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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