Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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