I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
