If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
