I just made out with a guy for $7.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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