But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
