oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
