I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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