after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
