The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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