Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
