Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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