Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
