Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
