Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
