What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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