Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
