I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
