We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
