matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
