How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
