no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
