i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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