we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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