update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
