Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
