Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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