My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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