You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
