hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
