He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
