you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
