hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Randomize
