Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
