RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
