operation harelip BJ is a go
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
