i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
