he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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