I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
