Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
