So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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