I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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