he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
