oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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