I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
