Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
