I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
