Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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