i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
