Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
