You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
