Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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