My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
