Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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