so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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