the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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