To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
